My Christmas letter this year was a bit personal, but there is a small part of it that I do want to broadcast to the world

I went to a Christmas party with my extended family, and I got a look around at the folks my age, older, and younger, and I thought about what my life is and what I hope it will be. I don’t know if I’m on a path that will lead me where I want to go, and I’m not sure what I could do to change it. I still want to get my continue my work in science, I still think I’m a good enough writer to work in scientific or technical communication as well, and I think I’m a good enough analyst to even understand financials and the work “under the hood.” Yet I haven’t reached a level in my career that gives me the comfort and freedom I truly want. I know none of us gets all we want, we’re always left with these self-doubts and self-reflections, wondering if our choices will take us where we want to go, but these days I feel overwhelmed by my doubts and fears about my own future. A lot of young friends I know joke about existential fears they feel, that Climate Change or Nuclear War will kill us all within a few decades, but then those same friends go about their day without seeming to feel any ill effects from the dread. What’s the opposite of existential? I feel a very personal dread every day and I do think it’s keeping me from doing my best, the fear of failure may be causing me to fail, and I don’t like it but don’t know how to avoid it. Whatever comes, I want you all to know that I will keep trying, keep striving, keep working towards my goals and towards the work I hope will help everyone. I don’t know what the future will bring me, but I promise to always try.